It’s autumn. The leaves are turning colors and drifting down from the trees. The weather is getting chillier. The days are getting shorter. Pumpkin Spice Everything is available. Your annoying neighbor has one of those blow-up jack-o-lanterns on his front lawn, and the fumes from the generator he’s using to run it are giving you a headache.
Yes, Halloween is nearly upon us, which means it’s time to start thinking about what you’re going to wear to the annual Superhero’s League Masquerade and Gala. This can be a very trying time for the superhero/mutant/extraterrestrial-abandoned-on-Earth-to-save-us-from-ourselves community, so we at On Comics Ground thought we would publish a list of a few Do’s and Don’ts in an effort to ease some of the pre-holiday stress. This list is by no means comprehensive, but it will give you a good jumping off point to keep everyone comfortable and having a good time on the big day.
DO: Remember to wrap up warm! The masquerade venue is the rooftop bar at the Herotown Plaza Hotel and Spa this year.
DON’T: Disguise yourself as a fire powered/consumed/creating entity without the appropriate safety equipment.
DO: Enjoy the buffet.
DON’T: Dress up as an aquatic-based superhero and claim that it gives you the right to eat all the crab cakes.
DO: Submit your answer for the “Guess the Theme of the Ice Sculpture” event.
DON’T: Use your cryokinesis to manipulate the artist’s work during the sculpting so that you win.
DO: Feel free to dress up as another superhero you admire.
DON’T: Make your costume so accurate that people get confused. We’re sure you all remember the year that Echidna Man dressed up as Pangolin Girl, got very drunk, hung from the ballroom chandelier, and threw up all over the revelers below. Pangolin Girl took a lot of flack for that from the press, and it took us the better part of a financial quarter to set them straight.
DO: Enjoy the open bar responsibly.
DON’T: Be like Echidna Man. We lost our deposit that year, and the SuperCity Grand Hotel has barred us from using their facilities for our functions.
DO: Consider booking a room for the night of the event so that you don’t have to worry about getting home directly after the event.
DON’T: Get in a bidding war with a fellow Super over the Penthouse Suite. Last year things were starting to get ugly between two of our Chiropterially-inclined members who wanted the suite for roof-sitting-and-brooding purposes, and things would have escalated if it hadn’t been for The Jester deciding to make an attempt on the mayor’s life that night, causing one of them to have to skip the party entirely.
DO: Make a grand entrance to the ballroom. It’s lovely and festive to see everyone’s costumes when they come in!
DON’T: Make a grand entrance to the ballroom through the skylight. Please. Please. We’re running out of venues that will let us have this party anymore.
DO: Bring a Plus-One, if you RSVP’d for one on your invitation confirmation.
DON’T: Bring a Plus-One if you didn’t RSVP for one on your invitation confirmation. It’s rude, and Chef can only make so many crab cakes. (Seriously, what is it with you guys and the freaking crab cakes?!) Also, as a side note—it’s a Plus-ONE, so let’s not have a repeat of the year that Glass Man came dressed as Caesar and borrowed a dozen henchmen off of his arch-nemesis to be the Roman Senate. Talk about running out of crab cakes…
DO: Enjoy the treats on offer. It’s Halloween, after all, and it wouldn’t be Halloween without treats!
DON’T: Try to smuggle out all the full-sized candy bars by arranging them artfully inside your super suit so that it looks as though your abdominal muscles have grown exponentially since you walked in. It worked the first year, but we’re onto you now.
DO: Participate in the pumpkin carving contest.
DON’T: Go into a rage when you don’t win and smash all the other entries.
DO: Submit an item to the Secretary of the Board when you arrive for the silent auction. This year, the charity is the SuperRetirees Home for Independent Senior and Assisted Living.
DON’T: Submit items that are alive, radioactive, possessed, cursed, likely to become sentient, or otherwise potentially able to start a ruckus leading to collateral damage.
We hope you find this brief list helpful in anticipation of the upcoming event. It is absolutely our top priority that everyone has an enjoyable evening, free from the day-to-day tribulations of superherodom. If you haven’t yet RSVP’d, please do so as soon as possible so that we have an accurate head count. If you would like to make a donation directly to the SuperRetirees Home, please use the secondary envelope sent in the same packet as your invitation. We hope this event will be a huge success, and we’re looking forward to having all of you join us!